I, Sarah Conley, can do anything.

Today during third hour geology, all I heard was complaints and cries about a loose stitch. These cries were from the Chronicle’s very own Ben Gabrych.

Getting his wisdom teeth removed last Friday, the stitches in place were proving to be a bother. They were meant to dissolve within a short amount of time, but had been refusing to budge and just being annoying to the student. I knew I could get them out with zero pain on the patient’s end.

“I didn’t even feel a thing!” Gabrych said “The stitches are gone, Sarah is a lifesaver.”

Asking Geology teacher Mrs. Frisby for a scissors, tweezers, and a lighter, I sanitized my tools and told Mr. Gabrych to sit in the nearest chair, holding a flashlight at the source. In under fifteen seconds, the irritant was gone and another life saved.

If there are any other students in need, send them to locker number 382 on the second floor and you’ll be fixed in a matter of minutes.