Well, I’m sitting at my desk typing up my review of Zoolander 2, and I’m highly confused. How could a movie so terrible have made me and other theater-goers laugh so much?

It sure wasn’t Ben Stiller’s overcooked acting performance or Penelope Cruz’s rough attempt at comedy. Zoolander 2 was a completely avoidable train-wreck from start to finish in the most Tom-and-Jerry way. Somehow, watching the train barrel towards a brick wall had a whimsical and lighthearted feel that almost made the movie bearable. Almost.

The original Zoolander movie hit the box office in 2001 and has since been revered in the same light as the first Anchorman movie. Both are modern slapstick comedy legends full of cringes, laughs, and most importantly a ridiculous and memorable plot line.

Not so with the continuation of male model Derek Zoolander’s dubious adventures. The characters seem to be marched from scene to scene by a predetermined plot rather than by the consequences of their actions. A few too many jokes seem to be stuffed into the script in odd places just to add a few laughs and minutes to the run time. The element of surprise has been lost with the second installment, and everything that shows up on the big screen is too predictable, too cliche to be an acceptable follow-up to the first Zoolander.

A quick review of the plot line for those who are under the impression that writer, director, and star Ben Stiller had any thought of direction for the film. Coming out of a fifteen-year stint as a hermit, Derek Zoolander (Ben Stiller) reunites with former rival Hansel (Owen Wilson). The relationship status between the two swings from spiteful contempt to endearing friendship for no particular reason. The two tramp through a series of traps and tricks concocted by the evil fashion mogul Mugatu (Will Ferrell), who remains in high security “fashion prison” after the conclusion of the first Zoolander movie. The duo of Stiller and Wilson must race around the world to stop Ferrell from his evil plot, which seems to change every ten minutes. First, Mugatu is trying to publicly humiliate the retired fashion models, then trying to sacrifice Derek Zoolander’s estranged son to the fashion gods, finally settling on dropping all of the biggest names in fashion into a giant lava pit for some unclear reason. Of course, the duo escapes all of the perils thrown at them, ending with an anti-climactic and predictable happy ending.

A cast list littered with cameos and hidden guest appearances provided a steady stream of “gotcha!” moments that further lightened the mood. Justin Bieber, Billy Zane, Susan Boyle, Neil deGrasse Tyson and M.C. Hammer were all given 30 seconds under the spotlight; hidden appearances by others such as Ariana Grande and John Malkovich award the keen-eyed with a few extra chuckles. Also notable was rock legend Sting (playing himself) who claimed to be the long-lost father of Hansel and made various appearances throughout the film.

All of the guests and crude humor may have been enough to garner some laughs (and cringes) while still in the theater, but any sense of enjoyment quickly wore off as I exited the theater with my fellow movie-goers.

I came to the conclusion that I spent eight dollars and two hours watching a ragtag group of actors break the rules and have fun at the expense of a potentially decent movie. And, while we can all do the same with our friends, acting irreverent, loose-mouthed and spontaneous, why would anyone pay money to watch someone else act that way? This is the question that stops me from liking Zoolander 2. It just crosses too many lines and wastes too much time indulging the actors’ wants to be enjoyable to an audience. So, skip the theater and go hang out with a good group of friends. That way, you can be included in all of the shenanigans too.